Some people strongly believe that "everything happens for a reason". Well of course it does. It's called cause and effect. If you don't believe this, then you must believe in fairy tales, and magic, and complete randomness. But even I must admit that there are times when that "reason" is somewhat mystifying. And that coincidence can be a little nerve-rattling.
Take this morning for instance. Ok, maybe I should step back a bit and admit that my life has been on slightly shaky ground for the past few weeks. Things went a little crazy back in November when my employer announced that my services were no longer required. Ya. And that was ok, because I was ready to move on, but I hadn't found anything to move onto, yet, so it has been kind of mind-bending to suddenly be completely on my own, and not really even a direction set. See, I've been thinking about what my next career move should be, and testing the waters, but hadn't really found what I was looking for. So that was the first curve ball.
My gut reaction was to jump into my first passion, photography and becoming an artist, but that's never an instant income, and for most, it's not ever an income. So I've had to face a bit of reality, and also needed to take a rest break (not a vacation, just catch up on some sleep and reset). For a couple of weeks, I allowed myself to sleep a bit later, spend more time thinking about what should happen next, and all the while trying hard to trust my journey and accept things that came into my life as opportunities. Signs. Roadmaps. Except that there weren't a lot that were showing up - other than photography signs, and that I put down to getting back what I was putting in. I was working on images, sharing them, and then getting positive feedback. A lot of it. Still, I made excuses about why this wasn't going to work, and slowed down, and the emotions started creeping in. Feelings of inadequacy, rejection, self-pity, guilt for not doing more to keep the job I had.
I wasn't seeing the signs because I stopped looking. I knew in my brain what my possibilities were, but it actually became overwhelming, it felt like I didn't need to see the signs, I already knew what they were. Or I thought I did.
Then yesterday it all kind of came crashing in. My cat, who was once upon a time my "saviour" from feeling down, has been acting out, and the stress of this bad behaviour peaked. My level of tolerance has been breached, and I had to make a decision. My health and sanity, or him. Guess which one is going to have to win? But man, that just sucks. I still haven't come to grips with it, even though I know I have to make the move. Still, it's like a weight is being lifted. Like so many decisions I've made in the past few years have been around this silly cat. Much as I love him, I need to love myself more.
Cue this morning. I slept in, hoping the cat would behave for me for a couple of extra hours. Fortunately he did, otherwise I probably would have lost my mind. Yesterday, I'd been praying for guidance, asking for help, from whatever greater being (God, universe, karma.....) makes up those reasons for things to happen. Watching for a sign. Willing to trust again and believe that something will help guide my thinking to action. Some people find it easy to always know the right thing to do at the right time. Sometimes, I can do this too. Other times, it's a struggle, especially when faced with too many choices. But it was as if when I made one decision, as hard as it was, I was suddenly able to see again.
One step. I just needed to take one step. And then another. This morning, I took the second step, and started working on a project that will hopefully help with providing a small income and maybe even grow to be a bigger one eventually. In the process of turning idea into action, I opened a bookshelf door, looking for a book that wound up having no meaning and no value, and finding this one instead.
Where on earth did this come from? I have absolutely no memory of purchasing this, or receiving it as a gift, or even opening it to see what was inside. Indeed, the spine had not been cracked even a little. If I had purchased it, was it for someone else? Who? Had I intended it to be self-motivating? If so, I should remember it, and why would it have been tucked away? No, I'm pretty sure that it was by some magic that it appeared in my bookshelf, and that the reason for it to be there was for me to find it on just this day, and in just this way, and at a time when I needed to see it.
You see, the inside jacket cover explains the purpose of the book. It was actually a graduation speech, but it suits perfectly anyone who is at a crossroads in their life, and that certainly describes my life right now.
"For out-starting upstarts of all ages, here is a wonderfully wise and blessedly brief graduation speech from the one and only Dr. Seuss. In his inimitable, humorous verse and pictures, he addresses the Great Balancing Act (life itself, and the ups and downs it presents) while encouraging us to find the success that lies within us."
Maybe, just maybe, I will find inspiration to take step number 3, and know which direction to take.
Take this morning for instance. Ok, maybe I should step back a bit and admit that my life has been on slightly shaky ground for the past few weeks. Things went a little crazy back in November when my employer announced that my services were no longer required. Ya. And that was ok, because I was ready to move on, but I hadn't found anything to move onto, yet, so it has been kind of mind-bending to suddenly be completely on my own, and not really even a direction set. See, I've been thinking about what my next career move should be, and testing the waters, but hadn't really found what I was looking for. So that was the first curve ball.
My gut reaction was to jump into my first passion, photography and becoming an artist, but that's never an instant income, and for most, it's not ever an income. So I've had to face a bit of reality, and also needed to take a rest break (not a vacation, just catch up on some sleep and reset). For a couple of weeks, I allowed myself to sleep a bit later, spend more time thinking about what should happen next, and all the while trying hard to trust my journey and accept things that came into my life as opportunities. Signs. Roadmaps. Except that there weren't a lot that were showing up - other than photography signs, and that I put down to getting back what I was putting in. I was working on images, sharing them, and then getting positive feedback. A lot of it. Still, I made excuses about why this wasn't going to work, and slowed down, and the emotions started creeping in. Feelings of inadequacy, rejection, self-pity, guilt for not doing more to keep the job I had.
I wasn't seeing the signs because I stopped looking. I knew in my brain what my possibilities were, but it actually became overwhelming, it felt like I didn't need to see the signs, I already knew what they were. Or I thought I did.
Then yesterday it all kind of came crashing in. My cat, who was once upon a time my "saviour" from feeling down, has been acting out, and the stress of this bad behaviour peaked. My level of tolerance has been breached, and I had to make a decision. My health and sanity, or him. Guess which one is going to have to win? But man, that just sucks. I still haven't come to grips with it, even though I know I have to make the move. Still, it's like a weight is being lifted. Like so many decisions I've made in the past few years have been around this silly cat. Much as I love him, I need to love myself more.
Cue this morning. I slept in, hoping the cat would behave for me for a couple of extra hours. Fortunately he did, otherwise I probably would have lost my mind. Yesterday, I'd been praying for guidance, asking for help, from whatever greater being (God, universe, karma.....) makes up those reasons for things to happen. Watching for a sign. Willing to trust again and believe that something will help guide my thinking to action. Some people find it easy to always know the right thing to do at the right time. Sometimes, I can do this too. Other times, it's a struggle, especially when faced with too many choices. But it was as if when I made one decision, as hard as it was, I was suddenly able to see again.
One step. I just needed to take one step. And then another. This morning, I took the second step, and started working on a project that will hopefully help with providing a small income and maybe even grow to be a bigger one eventually. In the process of turning idea into action, I opened a bookshelf door, looking for a book that wound up having no meaning and no value, and finding this one instead.
Where on earth did this come from? I have absolutely no memory of purchasing this, or receiving it as a gift, or even opening it to see what was inside. Indeed, the spine had not been cracked even a little. If I had purchased it, was it for someone else? Who? Had I intended it to be self-motivating? If so, I should remember it, and why would it have been tucked away? No, I'm pretty sure that it was by some magic that it appeared in my bookshelf, and that the reason for it to be there was for me to find it on just this day, and in just this way, and at a time when I needed to see it.
You see, the inside jacket cover explains the purpose of the book. It was actually a graduation speech, but it suits perfectly anyone who is at a crossroads in their life, and that certainly describes my life right now.
"For out-starting upstarts of all ages, here is a wonderfully wise and blessedly brief graduation speech from the one and only Dr. Seuss. In his inimitable, humorous verse and pictures, he addresses the Great Balancing Act (life itself, and the ups and downs it presents) while encouraging us to find the success that lies within us."
Maybe, just maybe, I will find inspiration to take step number 3, and know which direction to take.
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