Monday, January 1, 2018

Finding focus

Originally, this blog was intended to be a travel blog.  Just for me, to remember the places I've been, the things I've seen and done.  I've missed a lot of travel recording here, been to many places that I haven't blogged about, even though I said I would.  Time gets away from me, and I wind up shooting more photographs and relying on that to be my memories of the place and time.  But that's not good enough.

In the past 14 months, I've been to Las Vegas twice, San Francisco (for a day), New Zealand, Chicago, France, Chicago again, and Halifax, NS.  Considering the thousands of photos I've taken, there is hardly any reference to any of these here in the blog.  Whaddup, Su?  Hmm, good question.  No answer.

I'd love to go back and start updating and trying to remember things in order but that's just not possible.  Especially not with the way this brain works.  And especially because of the mind shift I've been going through lately, and the need to stay in the present, allow the past to stay in the past and just use that as a foundation for learning and moving forward.  Not that I'm anxious to have the next day come early, nor am I wishing my life away.  Quite the opposite.  I'm learning instead to make each moment count, and move through life in the tiniest of increments possible.  Maybe I better try to explain that so I know what I meant when I read this again tomorrow.  Or in three weeks, or five years.

Remember the story of the donkey in the well?  I probably don't remember it exactly, except for the lessons learned from it.  (And that's what it's all about, it has absolutely nothing to do with the hokey pokey).  The first lesson I  learned is that if you fall into a well (or someone puts you there), and then starts dumping dirt on you to try and bury you, just keep climbing up on that dirt until you get to the top.  Step on the things that are trying to put you down, and use them to keep going up.  Simple, right?  Uh, no.

But it is growth nonetheless.  Growth in a different way than what we are accustomed to thinking about, perhaps.  We think of growth in terms of physical changes to a person's body.  Spiritual growth is (to me) a change in perspective and learning to nurture (ourselves, others, our souls).  Intellectual growth is learning.  Career growth is "moving up the ladder".  But what of the growth of our lives in general?  Each day, we grow through time.  At least, that's how I've come to think of it.  Staying stuck in the past, thinking about how all that dirt has been piled on us, will just bury us.  We can't go up, if we don't step on that dirt.

So, do I need to go back and try and remember all that stuff?  Nope.  It's still a part of me that will come out in future photos.  In the way that I see, and capture, and share.  And I can pull out those photos (cuz they are NOT dirt) and enjoy them and it will bring back the feeling of wonderment that I sought to retain in my head and knew I couldn't.

Second lesson learned from the donkey in the well.  Seemingly small, incremental changes, repeated consistently over time, will add up to not just a bigger change, but potentially a complete transformation. Examples that are so easy to see:  Learning just about anything, the metamorphosis of a butterfly,  knitting or crocheting an afghan, losing weight or body-building, penny saved is a penny earned.....  It seems that in the past generation or two, western society has become absolutely mad about "instant" change.  Plastic surgery, liposuction, winning the lottery.  No one wants to have the patience for long-term, sustainable change.  And, they want someone else to do the work for them.  Me?  Guilty as charged, at least sometimes.  It's infectious, that desire for instant change. 

The title of this post is "Finding Focus".  I think that's what I'm doing in life as much as I'm doing with photography.  Figuring out what's real, what makes sense, who I am?  Nah.  Just simply figuring out what I see that I want to make the subject in this moment.  Which direction am I taking a step toward right now.  What is capturing my attention and how do I hold that and move from the present to a better future each and every second and how do I let go of the past at the same time.  What is the most important thing, no matter how small, that could lead to that transformation at some point in the future?

So, in 2018....  ok that's just silly.  For today and tomorrow, I will focus on making each action count towards positive change.  That was a period at the end of that.  To start, even if I can do that at least once each day, I will count it as a success.  And if I can capture that in simple terms at the end of each day to remind myself of those little successes, those little actions towards change, then it will remind me of how far I've come at the end of the week, and then the month, and then the year.

Let's go.

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