Moments in Nova Scotia History

Disclaimer - all photos on today's post were taken with my Samsung Note 8, SOC no editing.  And kind of off-the-cuff.  Can't wait to share the stuff I got with the Nikon and Sony!

Today, I was treated to a warmer day again, although still the brooding clouds.  Somewhat fitting for the places we hope to go.  But first, I need to extol the virtues of the amazing food I've been treated to - besides halibut cheeks.  Don't knock 'em till you've tried 'em.  Down east cooking is down home cooking, and my hostess, the beautiful Ann of Ann & Brian's Ocean View B&B loves to cook, makes things from scratch (usually without a recipe) and a lot of stuff gets cooked on her woodstove in their living room behind the kitchen (that most guests are not privvy to - I feel honoured and blessed to have shared wine and time with them in such a cozy place!) 

This morning, breakfast was started by Brian, in his cook's hat and apron no less, and was a platter of vanilla yogurt, fresh fruit cut in bite-size pieces and granola.  That would have been enough for me, but then Ann came along and made blueberry pancakes and sausages!  Whaaaat?  Who on earth can eat all this food?  So it's a good thing we're planning to take advantage of the non-rainy weather and go see the cliffs of New Waterford, and maybe some crashing waves.  Maybe a good hike will help wear all these extra calories off!

It was a wee bit disappointing, as the ocean remained quite calm, considering the storm from last night.  I do manage to get some cool perspective shots of a bit of seaweed, and a gorgeous driftwood log that almost blends in with the rusty shale rocks that the cliffs seem to be mostly made of.  No wonder the cliffs deteriorate at about a foot per year.  I can always come back later, but I do want to see the Low Point Lighthouse and the Stone Church while it's not raining, so off we go.

First the church, which I saw briefly on our way to tof he B&B from the airport after I arrived in NS.  I fell in love then, as my heart seems permanently tied to the plight of old churches that have not been maintained, and that we are in danger of losing because of it.  Churches are such a unique piece of architecture - each one is custom designed and built, and is sacred to many people.  That alone should make them a prime candidate for love and care.  They have always represented community, faith and honour (I know, they have also been less than honourable, but that is because of people that attached themselves to them, not because of the building itself!).

 The first image in this post is the Stone Church, and I sense that even though it was "saved" at the last minute from being demolished by the diocese in order to sell the land (the church apparently has still not learned the lessons it teaches re: money), it may not see another century.  I caress the walls and windows by capturing the light reflecting from it in my cameras, noticing that every window has been dedicated to the memory of someone in a carved stone plaque above it.  Even so, a couple of the windows are in danger from being broken, their protective plexiglass having been broken into pieces first.  It is as though the grand lady has aged rapidly and is literally falling apart.  Soon I will share a longer story, but for now, she sits sadly, watching the ocean for someone to come and save her.

The next stop is Fort Petrie, at one time a stalwart line of defense against the invading German submarines.  Where once stood proud cannons and live tanks and troops, now is a small, rusting and crumbling, locked building, the armoury in sad state of disrepair, the original sign in tatters and leaning against the outside wall of what appears to be a storage shed, and the gunnery on the cliff - now littered with litter and graffiti of human skulls and cupid's hearts.  Another painted sign on the storage shed is of poppies, and "Lest We Forget", a grim prophecy that appears to have become reality - the community has indeed forgotten. 

The Low Point Lighthouse is relatively small, considering the amount of coastline it has to protect ships from.  As for most lighthouses these days, it is automated, the light always moving, always on.  It has no way of entering (it would probably be covered in graffiti and broken in no time in this harsh, forgetting place), but is clean and has a fairly new-ish coat of paint.  It seems to be newer than some I've seen, but there is also the remnants of other buildings that must have stood there at one time and did not withstand the test of.... whatever.  A weird, very tall, concrete "table" for lack of a better word, and the concrete floor of what looks like it may have been a small building of some kind. 

Below the lighthouse at the bottom of the shale cliffs is the remnants of a wharf that must have served for a very long time.  No one is around now, but this was at one point (you can tell) a very solidly built wharf.  The wood is still solid for the most part, and yet it has been replaced with a concrete wharf a bit further away.  The ocean bottom must not have been forgiving enough in this place.  The sky, calm seas, and structure provide me with several minutes of entertainment, as I ponder how much of our past - in Nova Scotia and everywhere else - seems to be disposable, instead of being the wealth of knowledge and experience we should be making it.

The last stop of the morning is the Colliery Lands - the site of the old coal mines, where 4 mines were once both the primary employer of the area, and most prolific murderer.  There is a huge memorial that lists hundreds of men over more than a hundred years that have lost their lives to provide homes with heat.  These should be revered as much as those who gave their lives to protect the country, but we rarely hear about them.  We see the tiny little rail cars that shoved dozens of men into the bowels of the earth, deep below the sunlight , and Ann tells me of the members of her family that were in those cars. 

The afternoon is spent reviewing the photos on my cameras, then going alone back to the cliffs of New Waterford to play with waves (which are now a bit more interesting) and birds (tiny shore birds running about frantically, stabbing the rocks for tiny bits of food with the long slender beaks).  and when it starts to rain, I give up and wander back to the B&B to dry off and relax for a bit while Ann makes fish cakes in a cast iron frying pan on the woodstove.  Seriously.  Right? 

I feel like I have spent the whole day transported back in time to a place that is unrecognizable to me, and from what I saw, mostly to the next generations.  Let us hope that wiser heads prevail and that we are able to teach the younger generation about how we and our ancestors lived, so that the adults of the future do not make the same mistakes.

To Ingonish and back - the long way around

Friday morning dawned cloudy and cold.  No surprise considering the storm the night before.  The sun makes some attempt to appear, but is unsuccessful.  Ann has planned a full day for us, first to Louisburg, then the Cabot Trail to Ingonish where we will stay for the night at her brother's home.  On the way, two trails that she has found to be great hiking opportunities for both of us and beautiful photo opps for me.

Louisburg is fascinating.  I had always thought it was a completely preserved or restored village  It has actually been rebuilt, almost from scratch, and it continues to be built.  It appears to be very authentic, from the community water well to the governor's house.  I wander for ages, taking lots of photos (which I will post later after I've had a chance to review and edit on my laptop), and do a Facebook live 360.  Because it is no longer tourist season, however, only a couple of rooms and buildings are open to the public, and we can only see so much from the outside.  

Next stop is the Lousiburg Lighthouse, the first lighthouse in Canada.  The original stone foundation of the lighthouse keeper's house is still there, as well as the outline of the original stone lighthouse.  The current lighthouse is uninhabited and automated, and appears to be in sad repair. Still it's interesting to capture this Maritime treasure. (Again, more photos later, I was not thinking straight and forgot to take anything with my Samsung cell).

We crossed the waterway to the Cabot Trail at Englishtown by ferry - a 2 minute ride or so - and landed on the Jersey shore (not really, but almost - Jersey Cove) and quickly found our way to the Trail.  It is, thankfully, still full of colour, despite the storm from the night before.  Some trees have lost all or most of their leaves, but most others are still in full colour, with some still showing green.  The range of colour and height of trees is astounding, and I've already decided that I need to return another year, a week earlier, and take a full 2 weeks to explore the Island.  

Middlehead trail is our first hike, and it's about 4 km in total.  Lots of climbing over tree roots and rocks, and we are warned before heading out that there could be coyotes.  Ann grabs a good stick to flail should we meet one, and off we go.  We encounter ground squirrels and a fluffy bunny, but no coyotes.  Great views, lots of photos, and a great workout.

The Freshwater Trail almost evades us, due to poor (non-existent) signage. But we do find it, just in time to grab some great golden hour shots right before the sun goes down.  Film at 11.

We reach Ann's brother's place in Ingonish in time for a wonderful dinner, thanks to Wilson and Joan, and a joyful evening of jokery and conversation.  A great night's sleep and we're greeted with a forecast of 50 mm of rain.  Hopefully we can get to the Skyline Trail before that starts.

After a quick breakfast of english muffins and wonderful crabapple jelly, we part ways with our hosts and head out to drive the rest of the Cabot Trail, and hopefully hike the Skyline Trail.  Ann has heard the Skyline has been closed off and on for the past couple of weeks due to "agressive moose", so we shall see what the status is when we get there.  

We find a couple of good spots to take some more photos, get through Pleasant Bay where we start heading south, and eventually make our way to the Skyline Trail.  Unfortunately, today, it's closed.  We're both disappointed, although it's still pretty chilly out, and very windy, so maybe it's for the best, moose or no moose.  

This also leaves us a couple of hours to explore some other places and hopefully find another trail that is open.  In the meantime, we decide to have lunch in Cheticamp, about the only place with a population and an open restaurant on the west side of the Island.  The host tells us that the special today is "halibut cheeks", and since neither of us has ever tried this we both decide to have it.  It is absolutely amazing.  They really are the cheeks of the halibut, and the server (who is decidedly older than we are, and in a wheelchair, which we love because it means we can talk with her at eye level, and agree this should happen way more often) tells us that they ask for them from the boats when they come in.  I love this lady's accent, so "down home", and ask if these cheeks are easy to find.  She says no, they have to ask for them special, they might have them at the fishery in Glace Bay or North Sydney (Ann is happy about this), but I probably will not find them in Kitchener.

At any rate, we rave about them all afternoon, so mild, don't taste anything like fish, and have a texture more like scallops.  So tender and just melt in your mouth delish.  The rest of the west coast has been remarkably (for the most part) less scenic than the first part of the trip, but we do find a couple of places to stop and grab a shot or two.  This time, I remember to get out my phone though, and get a couple of shots.

Especially at this beach we find by the trailhead for "Le Buttereau", which tells us that there are coyotes, moose and bear on the trail.  It starts to rain, Ann can't find a stick, and we decide it's not worth it.  We descend again (it's a fairly steep hill that we've started to climb), and chance checking out the beach - stony to be sure - and as the tide is fairly low, we get to see some rock formations that really display the nature of this amazing Island.  Colourful, grained, with quartz veins and lots of character, the rock wall stretches above us for several stories.  It would have been a magnificent view, had we kept climbing.  But the beach gave us a different view.

It starts raining a bit more so we opt to head out towards home, and although it never does get to that 50 mm rate of rain, the skies are so gray and hazy that there is not much of interest to capture on camera.  

The day ends with another amazing meal - Ann prepares prime rib roast, yorkshire puddings, and sauteed mushrooms and onions.  Divine.  Hockey night in Canada, and now it's time for bed.  Zzzzzz.....

A wind is howling in New Waterford

"Ladies and gentlemen, we are starting our descent into Sydney, please make sure your table is safely stowed, and your seat back is in it's upright position".

It has been almost a year since I have traveled anywhere by plane, and now I find myself back in the same province as I was the last time, just two weeks shy of a year ago.  So much has changed in my life since then, but my friends are still my friends.

When I was "restructured" last November, my friend Ann invited me to come and stay with her and her husband Brian in Sydney, N.S. but my head was just not in the right place.  She asked me if I would take photos of their B&B, one of the many people that were pushing me in the direction that they knew was right for me, even if I didn't know.

And now, finally, I am here.  Sydney.  On the edge of the continent.  The fall colours were still vibrant as we drove from the airport to the harbour, where we had a lovely snack and a glass of wine, at the Governor's House (a restaurant and pub, not the real thing).  It used to really be the Governor's House and the waiter tells us that there is still a jail cell in the basement - but doesn't offer to show it to us.

We walk across to the harbour, where an enormous cruise ship blows it's horn, as it's final "all aboard" and starts to churn the water as it glides incredibly slowly away from the dock.  Ann and Brian assure me that we'll be able to see it go past their house when we get there, in New Waterford.  As we drive along, the fall colours really pop, Sydney is a city but there are many trees around.  I cross my fingers that the wind that has sprung up will not obliterate the colour as we have planned to hike a few trails along the Cabot Trail in the next couple of days.

It seems to take forever for the cruise ship to make it's way to the New Waterford area, and it is further out in the harbour than usual.  My hosts wonder if the ship has altered course slightly as they expecting a bad storm overnight.

A pot of salted meat is brewing on the wood stove - seriously - and we sit and enjoy a glass of wine and catch up a bit, as we haven't seen each other for a few years.  Ann tells me about her plans for the weekend, and about her family, some of whom I will have a chance to meet in the next couple of days.   We are going to Lewisburg tomorrow morning, and staying in Ingonish tomorrow night.  Supper is ready, and I'm treated to an east coast traditional meal of salt pork and potatoes, cabbage, carrots and turnip all in the same pot.  It's divine!  Oh ya, and homemade bread.  I knew I wouldn't starve this weekend, but boy, that was outstanding!

My hosts are impeccable in their service, and I feel right at home already.  It's a beautiful house, they built it new a few years ago, and as always, Ann selected the most lovely combination of colours in the decor.

After supper, Ann and I talk for a long time, catching up some more, getting to know each other better, and finally, my eyes start to feel very heavy.  Here I am in a large room, one of the B&B guest rooms, and listening to the "bad storm", the wind is howling as though it were the middle of winter, so our trek tomorrow may require the gloves, hat and extra layers I brought along.

The new hiking boots, tucked away neatly by the front door, have worked their magic once again, and I am living a new adventure that I didn't think I would have a chance to experience for a long time.

Peter Pan strikes again.

Thanks for everything

As the leaves start turning colour here in southwest Ontario, Canada, which usually happens just before the Canadian Thanksgiving holiday, it triggers in me a strong sense of gratitude and joy.  I looooooove colour, the brighter and more vivid and varied, the better.  Much of my art and photography is strongly coloured, and it feels sometimes like I could probably tone down the saturation, based on what I see others doing.  Toning it down just seems wrong.  When the world around me is so brightly lit, that's how it should be shared.

Until I met (online) a number of people from other areas of the world that are not blessed with the magic of the maple tree, which is the primary contributor to autumn colour here, I thought this changing of the seasons from summer to fall happened everywhere that there were trees.  Now I know differently.  And now that I have an opportunity to capture it and share the magic, I fully intend to do just that.

Every day feels like a new beginning, I see things a little more clearly than the day before, there is more love and joy surrounding me, even though I still wake up alone each day, and while many associate autumn with the ending of live vegetation (or at least dormancy) and the coming of winter, I sense the wonder of the lifecycle as a whole.  Ebb and flow, death and rebirth, everything in nature has a cycle of some kind and for this I am truly grateful.

What does this have to do with thanks?  All of this change strikes in me how precious and fleeting each moment is, and that the old adage "stop and smell the roses" becomes more and more meaningful as time passes.  Recent exploration and adoption of daily meditation and mindfulness practices have brought out in me how strongly important it is to truly appreciate every moment for the beauty in it, because right now, this moment, is the only thing we have any control over.  We cannot change the future except by what we do right now.  We cannot change the past except by how we deal with it - either by choosing to learn from it and change our current behaviours to avoid making similar mistakes, or by choosing to believe that we did not have control over it then, and must therefore blame someone else for our current circumstance.  The latter has no benefit, especially since no one is to "blame", we must take ownership of every moment of our lives, past present future, because we are the ones living that moment.  No one said it was easy, but then, my guess is that it's not easy to change colour when you are a leaf stuck to a tree.

I've noticed in the past few years that it seems the leaves that change colour first are the ones that are hit by the sun first thing in the morning after a frost.  Let's ponder that for a moment.  How cool is that?  A killing frost covers a leaf, and instead of dying and falling to the ground, it bathes in sunlight and dresses up beautifully and shares it's glory with the world.

How wonderful is this lesson!  And this is the reason I become so grateful in the autumn.  For all the leaves that have been hit with something deadly, and shone even more brightly to show the world that they have contributed to the life of the tree they are borne from, provided nourishment in it's sunlight factory, contributed to the rest of the world by exchanging carbon dioxide into oxygen, completely selfless acts and receiving nothing but a killing blow from frost.  And still at the end of each leaf's life, it does it's best to bask in the light and turn it into a pageant of oranges, reds, yellows and browns that everyone loves.

I am grateful for:  family (the leaves around me), friends (the leaves on other trees), colour, health (I have only just started turning colour and have much to share before falling to the ground), Light especially sunlight for the life it gives, the cycles of nature that provide us with these important lessons in life and life-giving and life-sharing, the beauty of each moment.  Thank you to whomever or whatever (God, universe, life force, source of energy, whichever you believe in) has given us all these things, even though some choose to ignore it or not believe in it.  Thanks for everything.

Golden Geese

The morning sun was only one finger above the horizon when I came out of the kitchen and into the living room, having breached the horizon while I was making breakfast.  It's golden light spilled over me, 18K molten lava.  It pulled me towards the window to see whether the overnight frost had given the trees below a new, more colourful suit.  My eyes moved up towards the wispy clouds, a V of Canada Geese were flying toward me and off to the right - south.

Is it really autumn already?  Didn't the three-month heat wave that some called summer just finish?  The kids are only now back in school, or just starting.  Wait, that was already a month ago!

As time passes - a gentler way of thinking about getting older - it feels much like it is passing more quickly each day.  It doesn't, time moves at the same pace, we move more slowly.  It gets harder each day to keep up with pressing demands that we feel are placed on us by others.  It feels more like we have less control over what is happening in our lives.  In the world.  In our minds.

The geese get closer, their wings and bellies dipped in the liquid gold sun and I revel in the magic of the moment.  Snowbirds.  A single goose is flying toward them from the east to join them - he must feel the sun on his back and tail.  There isn't much wind, so the V-formation is moving quickly.  Like time.

Birds, and manned flight, use the wind to gain lift.  Facing into the wind provides more lift.  It may take longer to get there than with a tailwind, but it builds muscle by requiring strength.  Much like facing challenges.  We cannot control the wind, but we can control which direction we fly, either into it or away from it.  One direction gives us more lift to carry us over the obstacles, more strength to face future headwinds.  The other direction makes for easier flying, but we may just wind up going back over obstacles we met earlier, and we may move backward rather than closer to our intended destination. 

Golden geese.  They move by instinct, they know which direction to go, and sometimes they are facing the wind and sometimes it is behind them.  They learn from their community which direction they need to go and when, and if they find themselves alone, they seek out others that are going in the right direction, and join them.  Moving together, organized flight, caring for each other by taking turns in the front, knowing that this makes the journey easier for everyone.

We move in whatever direction we choose, and the wind changes around us.  Sometimes, the wind is in our face, and we struggle to move forward, at the same time gaining strength and lift.  Other times, the wind is at our back and we sense it carrying us, giving us rest and relief before the wind changes again.  We get complacent, sometimes it is such a relief to be carried along that we allow ourselves to move with the wind, not thinking about where it is taking us.  When we reach a place that we don't like, we blame the wind for putting us there, when really, all we had to do was keep steering south, reaching for others that were moving there, even if the wind changed.

The geese fly out of sight - silently.  I imagine the soft whoosh their wings must be making if I were close enough to hear it.  The sun rises higher, the light is brighter, whiter, a little warmer, more alive and awake.  My spirit and energy mirror the sunlight, and it is time to follow my direction for another day.  Today, it is calm, and hopefully it will be easy flying, but if the wind changes, I'll be ready.  I know where the other geese in my life are, and I am grateful for them.

One year

One year ago today, on Sep. 22, 2017, I flew to Nice, France, to attend Karen Hutton's "Artistic Voice Retreat".  I really didn't know what to expect, other than a lot of sheer awe-someness from Karen, because she embodies Awe-someness in every way.  After speaking with her only once by phone prior to this, and general online group giddiness and excitement from the other attendees of the retreat, and the fact that we were meeting in the Frickin' French Riviera, I held no expectations that I would have my entire life changed in the next few days.

Although I had a sense that this had some potential, it didn't really have that appearance that in 10 days or so, I would see photography, my life, the world, completely differently.  I hadn't yet started to meditate, I was still working full time for someone else, helping them get richer while I got more stressed and a lot less closer to rich, and I had precious little self-esteem, not having had much in the way of a date for a few years.  So, ya, thinkin' pretty small, and not very big at all.

As my flight left Montreal and flew through the evening sky towards the Atlantic on the typical red-eye west-to-east ocean crossing, I looked out the window of the plane.  Still don't know why, but I pulled out my brand-spanking new Samsung Note 8 (as in, 2 days old), and snapped this shot.  Actually, at that point, a lot of my photography was shooting straight from the hip (often literally - camera from that viewpoint even), and very intuitive, very reactive. Not always, but often.  And those are the shots I often cherish for myself, because they capture how I was feeling at the time, more than being a photograph, it's a snapshot of the world through my eyes at that moment, i.e. a snapshot of me without my face being in it.

Anyway, by the end of the week, this shot was on my cell phone as wallpaper, because it came to encapsulate so much of what I learned and experienced that week.  Even now, a year later, I remember a great deal about that week, the sights, sounds, sensations, smells, feel of the air, taste of the wine.  Maybe not in explicit detail, but yes, I remember the warmth of the sand and the smell of the salty air. 

And I remember that this shot became so symbolic because by the end of the week, I felt that I had risen that much higher than my life before, that I saw the world from a very different perspective than usual, that the sky was bluer, the clouds wispier and cleaner, and I had new hope that when I landed, I would be starting a brand new journey.  And now, after one year of planning and preparation, the journey is beginning.

Live positively, every minute

Long post warning - but please read to the end, it's important - for you.

This morning, something happened that was a reminder of how fragile and tenuous life is. Not life in general - but your life. Your child's life, your parent's life your spouse's life, your best friend's life. None of us make it out of here alive, and we never ever know how it's going to happen or when. Remember that, every minute of every day, and make it count. Please know that this is not about me, this is just an example, I'm not looking for sympathy or comments or advice, just please take this as a reminder of how important it is to make your life a positive one. Here's the story:

A transport truck driver made a poor judgment call on the old can-I-make-it-through-this-light-or-should-I-brake-and-possibly-skid-through-it-anyway conundrum. He decided too late, and if I hadn't been going through the intersection, he would have made it anyway and continued on his way, running the red safely. He saw me, not quite in time, and was able to stop, but not before hitting my car. Fortunately, the damage was minimal, and there were no serious injuries. Unbelievably "lucky" you might say.

Unbelievably "lucky"? Yes. If I had entered the intersection a second earlier, no problem, a second later, I may not be writing this. If he had hit the brakes a second earlier, no problem, a second later, I would not be writing this. A second. A single second. For anyone who doesn't believe in fate/higher power/god/coincidence/guardian angel/whatever you want to call it, here is something to ponder.

A few years ago, I had the good fortune to work with a lady who was the sweetest, most positive, caring and joyful person I've ever met. Nothing could stop her from smiling, she saw the good in everyone, her laughter was contagious, and the word "delightful" has her picture in the dictionary as a definition. Unfortunately, we lost her a couple of years ago due to an infection contracted after routine surgery. She was in her early 40's, and it devastated everyone who knew her.

This morning, after the accident, I pulled off into the nearest parking lot to gather my wits, grab my phone to call the police, and before I could get out of the car, a lady was knocking on the window. As soon as I saw her, standing there with her hood protecting her from the rain, she seemed familiar, not in looks really, but it just felt like I had met her somewhere before. The first thing that came to mind was that she was the person who helped my daughter and me after hitting a deer about 25 years ago, when strangers pulled us from the car, brushed the broken safety glass from the shattered windshield off our clothes, and helped us contact the police and my father (those were the days before cell phones). But I don't know if it was the same lady. This lady had witnessed the accident, confirmed that the truck driver had run a red, wanted to see if I was ok, and gave me her contact info so I could give it to the cops. She wound up staying there until the police arrived, and gave them her statement. Unbelievable. But at the time she knocked on the window, I didn't realize that she was special.

You see, I strongly believe that I have been, more than once, saved by a "guardian angel" (or whatever you choose to call it based on the religion/belief you subscribe to, they're all pretty much the same with different labels). Today, my guardian angel was the lady I used to work with, Mrs. Delightful. She not only kept watch over me, and made sure that this was not my time to go, but also sent me a message that it was her, in the form of a stranger who felt familiar because of a similar circumstance, allowing me to feel trustful and stay calm. The name of the lady I worked with and who we lost too soon was Kristi Hood. The name of the lady who witnessed the accident and stayed to make sure I was ok was Christine Hood.

The lesson? Life is fragile, we have no control over it. If it's meant to be, we will be gone. If something happens to us, and we're still here, maybe we just need to learn from it. Maybe each time something scary or awful or sad happens, it's a way for us to prepare for the next thing. We will never know what that will be, when it will happen, and all we can do is remember to live each moment gratefully, positively, mindfully, and joyfully, because if we don't, and our last moments are selfish, negative, careless, or angry, that will be our legacy.

So really, for whomever you care about, tell them you love them. How else will they know? Do something magical for someone that doesn't expect it. Do your part to make the world - or your corner of it - a better place. Hug your kids, your parents, your best friend, your worst enemy. Vote for positive change, not a buck a beer. Care for those who cannot care for themselves. Seek to understand instead of fear. Let hatred slink back into the darkness, then light floodlights to fill that darkness and love the world instead of allowing hatred to show it's ugly face.

Live life, love more, breathe deeply, remember that you are what you do. If I can change one person's actions through this lengthy post, from a negative one to a positive one, then I will be truly grateful. I love you all.

Why it takes so long to make a vision board

1.  After a couple of years of hearing that you need to make a vision board, and a couple of very half-hearted attempts, not really understanding what this is for or how to make one or how to use it, finally get enough motivation to do it because people that you respect have shared how creating a vision board has helped them to really move forward.
2.  Face-palm at the run-on sentence above that is grammatically horrifying.  (Focus!  Don't try to fix the sentence, just keep going).
3.  Realize that a vision board seems different than goal-setting, in that once you run out of board space, you can't really put too many more things on it.  Goal setting is harder because you can have 400 goals and never know where to start.  (Focus!  Don't go back to the list of goals, and add anything more to it, it's just a rabbit hole!)
4.  Set a goal to create a vision board.  (Focus!  Just start creating it!)
5.  Open the closet that contains pieces of foam board from the dollar store that you had picked up two years ago to make a lightbox with and didn't get that done because it didn't get tagged as a goal.  Find a large piece of foamboard and get it out.
6.  Add "Clean out the den closet" to the list of goals.  (Focus.....)  Close the closet door.
6 a.  Add "Make a lightbox and do more macro" to the list of goals.  Set the list of goals aside.  For now.
7.  Start a list of things to add to the vision board.  Wait, how do you decide what goes on the vision board that isn't already on the bucket list, or the list of goals?  Oh, ok, if it's on both the bucket list and the list of goals, it should probably also be on the vision board, this just makes it visible. And now you can probably cross off the goal to create a vision board because there's no point in adding "Create a vision board" to the vision board.  It's also not really part of the vision.  So remind me why you're doing this?  (Focus!  See #1).   Goals, bucket list, vision board.....  Be a visionary.  Set a goal to be a visionary?  Or add that to the bucket list?  (Focus!)
8.  This is a tough one.  How do you get this list from your brain to your board?  One word, one thought at a time.  Start with what brings you joy:  Health, Connections, Light and Colour, New Experiences and Adventure, A comfortable and welcoming home.  Money. Almost forgot about money!
9.  Add "Health" to the list.  Remember that you were supposed to make a dentist appointment, so go online to do that.  It's a Health thing, right?  Online form doesn't work, so you have to call, but you left your phone in the other room.  Go to the other room, and notice that there is still laundry to be folded and put away.  Start folding... (Focus!) and then realize this can wait.  Pick up the phone and make dentist appointment.  Wasn't there something about a Naturopath too?  And Physiotherapy.  And a massage.  VISION BOARD FIRST!!!!!  Besides, don't know about you, but I'd rather get healthy hiking through the hills of New Zealand, or the streets of small medieval towns in the French Riviera, or climbing Machu Picchu.  So this means travel - a lot of it!  Add these to the list of things to add to the Vision Board.  Oh ya, then there was that modeling thing.  Somewhere along the line I discovered that I have fun in front of the camera as well as behind it, and I want to explore that - plus it will help me be a better portrait photographer.  Which is why I need to work towards a healthier body.
10.  Add Connections to the list of things to put on a Vision Board.  What does this mean?  Family, Friends, meeting new people...  Family - having the time to spend with my parents, my daughter and her family, especially my grandchildren, make sure they know I love them beyond anything.  Friends - with so many friends that live in so many faraway places, this means being able to visit them, photograph them, cherish them, make sure they know I love them.  This means travel, a lot of it!   How many air miles do I have?  I wonder if I can go to..... (FOCUS!)  Meeting new people - This means travel.  A lot of it!  And just getting out and spending time with friends that introduce me to new friends.  Or inviting friends to my welcoming home and getting them to bring friends.  Check Facebook to see if (FOCUS!!!!!), close Facebook. 
11.  Add Light and Colour to the list.  (Which list is this again?  Oh ya.  Maybe I need a break.  A snack perhaps.  This thinking and focusing is very hard on the stomach.  Wait - Health - no snack, but I can have water, right?  The water cooler is empty!  Better go to the grocery store....  Focus.....).  What does Light and Colour translate to?  Photography.  Big time.  So many things to put on the board for this one - exhibit or gallery, that coffee-table book, new business for portraits and commercial, travel.  Yes, travel, a lot of it!  This means flying too, because the best photos are from way up in the air, or on the way up or down, and aerial photography, and drones, and flying to places to spend time with friends from whom I can learn about flying drones and drone photography.  And a new drone.  Maybe a better camera.  Definitely a new laptop to handle all these new photos!  So really, Light and colour and air.
12.  New experiences and adventure - every...single....day.  This means travel lol!  A lot of it!  More!.  Even if that's just driving half an hour in a different direction, taking a new road, stopping for five minutes and getting out instead of just driving past the same place every time... wait I think that's a bucket list, not vision board.  OK, back to travel.  I'm sensing a theme here.....  List of places to visit - wayyyyy too many!  Throws dart at map.... no paper map to be found.  Um, Wheel Decide!  Ok, now I need that list again.  This should be fun!   Add the top 28 countries or places to the list on the wheel, and spin.  Eeeek! 

Drum roll please......
And the first place is......

PERU!!!!!  That's what I put on the last vision board I attempted to create!  So, something tells me I'll be going to Peru.  Ok, second one to add .......

SPAIN!!!  YES!!!  That's a friend one, and I was supposed to go there this spring, just had no money.  Maybeee......  One more.

Southwest U.S. - Wahoo!!!!  That sounds like CO, UT, AZ, NV and TAHOE!!!
 
13.  A comfortable and welcoming home.  Actually all this blog started as the intention to come home from lunch with my guy, and finish decorating this place, which is one of the things I had on the list of goals for the winter, then I got into the Feng Shui thing (found an online course) and putting my own art on my walls, cleaning out closets, (see point above), and remembering that I was supposed to work on a vision board to try and get focused.  Hmmmm......  What I really need is a new kitchen and en suite.  Added to the list.
 And all of this brings me to:
15.  Money.  A lot of it.  More than travel, because otherwise, I can't travel!  And the kitchen and bathroom, and new gear, and being able to retire in a few years. 

Wow.  So, now I have a better plan to create the vision board.  I know better what I want to put there.  My whole life I've had way more things I wanted to do than time to do them in, and have not been able to decide what to do first, as may be obvious from the brain vomit above.  Next, find real things like pictures that show the words. 

Health:  Start off looking for images of slender women modelling clothes I love and want to wear because I used to be able to wear them and love them but can't because I'm not a healthy weight.  Start online shopping as a result.  Vow to lose weight so I can go shopping and buy these clothes.  Remember that's what the vision board is for.  Look for images of a healthy body, no matter what clothes it's wearing, and find this:  Printed.

Family:  This is easy.  My grandbabies. 
etc etc etc etc..... four hours later and I'm still finding and making pictures and maps and words.....  In between new episodes of SEAL Team and 9-1-1 and putting away the laundry and good grief.
Time to put it all together - the best part!

Pictures on, but still no words.  Need words for clarity.  And then a better picture of the board that I can put as a background on my computer, and my phone.  But it will have to wait till tomorrow.  Here's what I've got so far!

Georgina GPS strikes again

Today was a good day.  For lots of reasons.  The first reason is that I finally got to meet someone that I had "met" online a while ago, someone that shares my passion for photography, understands the role the universe plays in each of our lives, and that is a beautiful "outside" soul.  We decided, after spending several hours together, that we are soul sisters, and I can't wait till we can get together again!

The second reason it was a good day is that I started accepting the loss of my friend, Simba.  He was my saviour for a few years, and a friend, and my feline soulmate.  But all good things must eventually come to an end, and today I was finally somewhat ok with that.  It was hard to say goodbye, but all endings are also beginnings, and sometimes the hardest thing to do is let go of something that is holding you back, just because it has been a source of comfort in the past.  Even if it later becomes a source of extreme stress.  The only sure thing in life is change.

Now, my life is less encumbered with responsibility than before, and at the same time less - or more accurately, differently - full.  I was able to stray and meander and not worry about time on my way home from meeting my friend.  Free to explore - as much as the waning daylight allowed.  And explore I did.  It was rush hour, so the last place I wanted to be was on a highway, and the weather, even though it's January, was holding up with no precipitation and above freezing temperatures.  So, why not?

This post is simply meant to track where I explored, so that I can go back to the same roads and see what it looks like in the daylight, and hopefully when the weather is either full of snow (instead of the mud and slush of today) or in the spring or summer.  It was an absolutely amazing drive, showcasing horse ranches, hills, winding roads, small historic towns, lovely vistas (I hope), beautiful estates, historic businesses....  and I simply can't wait till I can do the same drive again.  Here goes, best as I can remember, and with the help of my GPS, which tracks where I have driven - sometimes, and partially - for long drives.  Here goes.

From Jennifer's house, I found my way to Highway 9, heading west, and just to the west of Hwy 27 I headed south on Concession Rd. 10.  This is a gravel road, but worth every square inch of mud.  It leads to the small town of Lloydtown, which I simply have to visit again.  It appears to be a small community of really big homes, large lots, and beautiful tree-lined "streets".  Stunning. Georgina guided me to turn right on Rebellion Way, then right again on 19th Sideroad (the roads curve, probably due to the lay of the land).

From here, I turned left onto Halls Lake Side Rd., and left again to stay on that road past more huge beautiful homes on large properties overlooking high vistas.  Then left for a brief drive down Mt. Wolfe Rd., then right onto Old Church Rd.  I was supposed to stay on that road for several kilometers, but there was a detour - the road suddenly ended in a construction zone - and I had to turn left on Hwy 50, then right again on Castelderg Side Rd, then right again on Airport Rd.  When I hit a tiny community - ok it was really just an intersection with a couple of houses - just south and east of Caledon East, Georgina told me to turn left on Old Base Line Rd., a.k.a. Peel Road 12.  This is where it got pretty interesting.

Just past the Caledon Country Club, I started seeing all kinds of "no stopping" signs, not just every couple of kilometers, but every few meters.  I got the hint, you'd better not stop anywhere - but why?  And why were there tons of fences and gates and all kinds of things trying to keep people out, off to the left?  (South and east)  Between Chinguacousy Rd. and Creditview Rd. there were literally kilometers of "no stopping" signs, and the speed limit was 40-50 kph the whole way.  So slow down but don't stop.  WTH?  I needed to check this out when I got home.

It's the Cheltenham Badlands.  Who knew?  We have Badlands in Southern Ontario?  Really?  OK, this I absolutely must check out when the weather warms up and I have daylight!!!!  Not sure where to park, but hopefully those gates and fences will open up in the right season.  It's probably just dangerous this time of year. 

OK, from that point, the drive loses a bit of interest.  How can you beat Badlands that are hidden by darkness and mysterious roads that you can't stop on?  Google Satellite view is showing that there may be other hidden treasures in the area too, maybe famous people have secret hideaways lol!

Georgina tells me to turn right on Mississauga Rd., and that feels wrong, but she usually has a pretty good handle on things, so I follow along.  Good thing too, because a little ways up the road there is a beautiful old church on the left, fully lit up, and a sign announcing it as "Melville White Church".  Well, the "white church" I had figured out, but I'm going too fast to see what the whole sign said, other than that it was old.  Google says it was built in 1837 - which is pretty dang old for this part of the country.  I think I need to check this out in the daylight too!  And see if maybe there's a photo opp for a sunrise? 

Next up, the small historic town of Belfountain.  How do I not know about these beautiful little historic places?  There is so much work to be done to explore my own area of this amazing country before traveling overseas again.  And sharing the beauty of this area!  Yes, there is even a Belfountain Conservation area that is not far from another beautiful park nearby, Forks of the Credit, where one of my most popular photos was taken last summer.  I'm beginning to think this area might be worth an entire weekend come summer time.

In Belfountain, Georgina told me to turn left on Bush St. (RR 11), but next time I go up to that neck of the woods, I should check out the Google Satellite view and explore Forks of the Credit Rd., Dominion Rd., and Puckering Ln.  Possibly Escarpment Side Rd., and Caledon Magnetic Hill.  ????  Oh, wait, there's a Southridge Trail that looks interesting too!

Well, as it turns out Bush St. turns into Wellington Rd 52, which leads me out of the exploration zone and into the small town of Erin.  From here, there is little of interest - and not just because I have driven through here many a time. 

And so ends a lovely day, full of life and love and new places to explore further.  The future is bright!

What is this supposed to mean?

Some people strongly believe that "everything happens for a reason".  Well of course it does.  It's called cause and effect.  If you don't believe this, then you must believe in fairy tales, and magic, and complete randomness.  But even I must admit that there are times when that "reason" is somewhat mystifying.  And that coincidence can be a little nerve-rattling.

Take this morning for instance.  Ok, maybe I should step back a bit and admit that my life has been on slightly shaky ground for the past few weeks.  Things went a little crazy back in November when my employer announced that my services were no longer required.  Ya.  And that was ok, because I was ready to move on, but I hadn't found anything to move onto, yet, so it has been kind of mind-bending to suddenly be completely on my own, and not really even a direction set.  See, I've been thinking about what my next career move should be, and testing the waters, but hadn't really found what I was looking for.  So that was the first curve ball.

My gut reaction was to jump into my first passion, photography and becoming an artist, but that's never an instant income, and for most, it's not ever an income.  So I've had to face a bit of reality, and also needed to take a rest break (not a vacation, just catch up on some sleep and reset).  For a couple of weeks, I allowed myself to sleep a bit later, spend more time thinking about what should happen next, and all the while trying hard to trust my journey and accept things that came into my life as opportunities.  Signs.  Roadmaps.  Except that there weren't a lot that were showing up - other than photography signs, and that I put down to getting back what I was putting in.  I was working on images, sharing them, and then getting positive feedback.   A lot of it.  Still, I made excuses about why this wasn't going to work, and slowed down, and the emotions started creeping in.  Feelings of inadequacy, rejection, self-pity, guilt for not doing more to keep the job I had. 

I wasn't seeing the signs because I stopped looking.  I knew in my brain what my possibilities were, but it actually became overwhelming, it felt like I didn't need to see the signs, I already knew what they were.  Or I thought I did. 

Then yesterday it all kind of came crashing in.  My cat, who was once upon a time my "saviour" from feeling down, has been acting out, and the stress of this bad behaviour peaked.  My level of tolerance has been breached, and I had to make a decision.  My health and sanity, or him.  Guess which one is going to have to win?  But man, that just sucks.  I still haven't come to grips with it, even though I know I have to make the move.  Still, it's like a weight is being lifted.  Like so many decisions I've made in the past few years have been around this silly cat.  Much as I love him, I need to love myself more.

Cue this morning.  I slept in, hoping the cat would behave for me for a couple of extra hours.  Fortunately he did, otherwise I probably would have lost my mind.  Yesterday, I'd been praying for guidance, asking for help, from whatever greater being (God, universe, karma.....) makes up those reasons for things to happen.  Watching for a sign.  Willing to trust again and believe that something will help guide my thinking to action. Some people find it easy to always know the right thing to do at the right time.  Sometimes, I can do this too.  Other times, it's a struggle, especially when faced with too many choices.  But it was as if when I made one decision, as hard as it was, I was suddenly able to see again.

One step.  I just needed to take one step.  And then another.  This morning, I took the second step, and started working on a project that will hopefully help with providing a small income and maybe even grow to be a bigger one eventually.  In the process of turning idea into action, I opened a bookshelf door, looking for a book that wound up having no meaning and no value, and finding this one instead.

Where on earth did this come from?  I have absolutely no memory of purchasing this, or receiving it as a gift, or even opening it to see what was inside.  Indeed, the spine had not been cracked even a little.  If I had purchased it, was it for someone else?  Who?  Had I intended it to be self-motivating?  If so, I should remember it, and why would it have been tucked away?  No, I'm pretty sure that it was by some magic that it appeared in my bookshelf, and that the reason for it to be there was for me to find it on just this day, and in just this way, and at a time when I needed to see it. 

You see, the inside jacket cover explains the purpose of the book.  It was actually a graduation speech, but it suits perfectly anyone who is at a crossroads in their life, and that certainly describes my life right now.

"For out-starting upstarts of all ages, here is a wonderfully wise and blessedly brief graduation speech from the one and only Dr. Seuss.  In his inimitable, humorous verse and pictures, he addresses the Great Balancing Act (life itself, and the ups and downs it presents) while encouraging us to find the success that lies within us."

Maybe, just maybe, I will find inspiration to take step number 3, and know which direction to take.

Tiny First Steps

Small changes, made consistently.
Small changes made today - a public statement of intention, to live more simply, more joyfully and more spiritually.  Sharing one of my favourite photographs from 2017.

Ever since I took this photograph in France last September, I had been holding onto it.  It had been placed in a "Scavenger Hunt" contest, no prizes, but wasn't allowed to post it publicly until the contest was over.  It's over now, and I wish in some ways that I hadn't hidden it away, that I had used a different image. 

I love the story of this monk.  I want everyone to have their own story about this monk.  Tell me your Monk story.

Finding focus

Originally, this blog was intended to be a travel blog.  Just for me, to remember the places I've been, the things I've seen and done.  I've missed a lot of travel recording here, been to many places that I haven't blogged about, even though I said I would.  Time gets away from me, and I wind up shooting more photographs and relying on that to be my memories of the place and time.  But that's not good enough.

In the past 14 months, I've been to Las Vegas twice, San Francisco (for a day), New Zealand, Chicago, France, Chicago again, and Halifax, NS.  Considering the thousands of photos I've taken, there is hardly any reference to any of these here in the blog.  Whaddup, Su?  Hmm, good question.  No answer.

I'd love to go back and start updating and trying to remember things in order but that's just not possible.  Especially not with the way this brain works.  And especially because of the mind shift I've been going through lately, and the need to stay in the present, allow the past to stay in the past and just use that as a foundation for learning and moving forward.  Not that I'm anxious to have the next day come early, nor am I wishing my life away.  Quite the opposite.  I'm learning instead to make each moment count, and move through life in the tiniest of increments possible.  Maybe I better try to explain that so I know what I meant when I read this again tomorrow.  Or in three weeks, or five years.

Remember the story of the donkey in the well?  I probably don't remember it exactly, except for the lessons learned from it.  (And that's what it's all about, it has absolutely nothing to do with the hokey pokey).  The first lesson I  learned is that if you fall into a well (or someone puts you there), and then starts dumping dirt on you to try and bury you, just keep climbing up on that dirt until you get to the top.  Step on the things that are trying to put you down, and use them to keep going up.  Simple, right?  Uh, no.

But it is growth nonetheless.  Growth in a different way than what we are accustomed to thinking about, perhaps.  We think of growth in terms of physical changes to a person's body.  Spiritual growth is (to me) a change in perspective and learning to nurture (ourselves, others, our souls).  Intellectual growth is learning.  Career growth is "moving up the ladder".  But what of the growth of our lives in general?  Each day, we grow through time.  At least, that's how I've come to think of it.  Staying stuck in the past, thinking about how all that dirt has been piled on us, will just bury us.  We can't go up, if we don't step on that dirt.

So, do I need to go back and try and remember all that stuff?  Nope.  It's still a part of me that will come out in future photos.  In the way that I see, and capture, and share.  And I can pull out those photos (cuz they are NOT dirt) and enjoy them and it will bring back the feeling of wonderment that I sought to retain in my head and knew I couldn't.

Second lesson learned from the donkey in the well.  Seemingly small, incremental changes, repeated consistently over time, will add up to not just a bigger change, but potentially a complete transformation. Examples that are so easy to see:  Learning just about anything, the metamorphosis of a butterfly,  knitting or crocheting an afghan, losing weight or body-building, penny saved is a penny earned.....  It seems that in the past generation or two, western society has become absolutely mad about "instant" change.  Plastic surgery, liposuction, winning the lottery.  No one wants to have the patience for long-term, sustainable change.  And, they want someone else to do the work for them.  Me?  Guilty as charged, at least sometimes.  It's infectious, that desire for instant change. 

The title of this post is "Finding Focus".  I think that's what I'm doing in life as much as I'm doing with photography.  Figuring out what's real, what makes sense, who I am?  Nah.  Just simply figuring out what I see that I want to make the subject in this moment.  Which direction am I taking a step toward right now.  What is capturing my attention and how do I hold that and move from the present to a better future each and every second and how do I let go of the past at the same time.  What is the most important thing, no matter how small, that could lead to that transformation at some point in the future?

So, in 2018....  ok that's just silly.  For today and tomorrow, I will focus on making each action count towards positive change.  That was a period at the end of that.  To start, even if I can do that at least once each day, I will count it as a success.  And if I can capture that in simple terms at the end of each day to remind myself of those little successes, those little actions towards change, then it will remind me of how far I've come at the end of the week, and then the month, and then the year.

Let's go.